People love drinking games. Why do we need a game to facilitate drinking? Peer pressure, thats why. Alcohol doesn’t really taste that good but if an arbitrary set of rules determines that its your turn to drink, well bottoms up fella, its your time to shine.
Each NBA team has its own flavor and panache, so a ‘one-size-fits-all’ drinking game seems pretty gauche, so without any more preamble, here are 30 custom drinking games–1 for each NBA team. And remember “drink” might just mean a gulp of beer, or it might mean a shot of whiskey. That is up to you, man.
Atlanta Hawks: Drink for every screen Kyle Korver runs around.
Boston Celtics: Whenever a Celtic does something scrappy, drink.
Brooklyn Nets: Drink whenever the announcers mention draft picks or Billy King.
Charlotte Hornets: Something about Jeremy Lin’s hairstyle–drink.
Chicago Bulls: Drink when former MVP Derrick Rose misses a shot.
Cleveland Cavaliers: The beer you are drinking must have a good bit of foam, you should drink enough to have the beer foam moustache all 48. They all have moustaches so why are you off the hook?
Dallas Mavericks: Drink for Wesley Matthews KatW3$ Everdeen bow and arrow celebration. Also drink on the “Dirk” (one legged fadeaway).
Denver Nuggets: (Must be watching on opposing broadcast) Drink whenever an announcer butchers one of the Nuggets’ names.
Detroit Pistons: Drink whenever FlavaFlav on the PA says something in that loud and obnoxious DEEEEEETROIT style. Y’all know what I mean.
Golden State Warriors: Pop open a bottle of champagne and just chill bruh.
Houston Rockets: Drink whenever Ty Lawson drives.
Indiana Pacers: Drink when someone with the last name “Hill” does something good.
Los Angeles Clippers: You must speak all game in your best Doc River’s hoarse-voice, drinking at your leisure since thats gonna wear out the ole’ larynx.
Los Angeles Lakers: Just drink boys, no good will come of this.
Memphis Grizzlies: “Grit” = 1 Drink, “Grind” = 2 Drinks
Miami Heat: Drink everytime you think to yourself “goddamn, Wade’s jawline is all the way out there huh?”
Milwaukee Bucks: Every stoppage of play accidentally spill some of your drink on your shirt.
Minnesota Timberwolves: Drink for Flip.
New Orleans Pelicans: Draw a unibrow in sharpie on your forehead and proclaim to the room that you could potentially drink the entire 30 rack. Potentially.
New York Knicks: Shotgun a beer on every Porzingod putback. Might as well just shotgun a beer for every Porzingod highlight, actually.
OKC Thunder: Drink every time Dion screams “AND 1!!!!”
Orlando Magic: Drink whenever Dewayne “the God” Dedmon touches the basketball.
Philadelphia 76ers: Drink while explaining the fermentation/distillation process of the drink in your hand.
Phoenix Suns: Drink whenever Mirza Teletovic shoots without even considering moving the ball around.
Portland Trailblazers: If someone besides Dame and CJ score, drink up because those are bonus points.
Sacramento Kings: Drink whenever Demarcus Cousins pouts.
San Antonio Spurs: Purchase le classiest beer from HEB. Enjoy it you animals.
Toronto Raptors: Drink when DeRozan plays DeIso. Drink twice when it actually works.
Utah Jazz: Drink on any points by someone whose name contains either a “Trey” or a “Burk”
Washington Wizards: Drink on any recorded statistic by Ryan Hollins.
So thats about it, aren’t you happy these weren’t put on 30 different slides? Also remember to be responsible when you drink.